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 the quotes labyrinth part 1
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Story by: Joe Barruso
Written by: Wendell Morris & T.R. Sheppard

Zack and Ivy watch a report on Carmen done by "Current Copy"

Maury: "Tonight, "Current Copy's" own Sandy Savage is going to tell us everything we ever wanted to know about Carmen Sandiego. Just who is this mystery woman and where will she strike next?"
Sandy Savage: "Thank you, Maury. The only certainty is whatever this master thief has up her sleeve, it's going to be big."

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Carmen watches the "Current Copy" story on herself.

Sandy Savage: "So, as you can see from my report, Carmen Sandiego may be the greatest thief of all time, Maury."
Carmen: "Intelligent woman."
Maury: "Well, I wouldn't go that far, Sandy. Face it, no one had even hears about her ten years ago and who's to say she won't be old news by tomorrow morning? The greatest thief of all time? Ha! Puh-leeze, I beg you not."

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When Carmen starts talking about time you have to worry.

Henchman: "Carmen? Should we go?"
Carmen: "Hmm?"
Henchman: "We don't have much time."
Carmen: "Ah, but that's where you're wrong. I just realized I have all the time in the world."

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Carmen and the Player discuss her latest heist.

Player: "Guess "Current Copy" isn't too impressed with you, Carmen. Especially now that you've resorted to stealing miniatures of famous landmarks when you used to steal the real ones."
Carmen: "The size of the job isn't as important as the impact it has in the end, Player."

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The Chief has a bizarre theory.

Chief: "Think about it! If I know what Carmen's up to...then, agh, maybe I am Carmen! Agh!"
Zack: "Whoa! What are you talking about, Chief?"
Chief: "I have always looked good in red, Zack. But those shoes! Whoa! A real pain in the neck!"
Ivy: "Chief, what do you mean you know what Carmen's up to?"

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Ivy tries to analyze the only clue they have from the mini robbery.

Ivy: "Player, try an info-search of all Carmen's henchmen who wear a size ten."
Chief: "Ivy, Ivy, Ivy. Do you have any idea how many Cinderfellas would fit that glass slipper?"

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Zack and Ivy enter VILE's secret training facility.

Computer: "Welcome new VILE recruits. State your names please."
Ivy: "Don't give your real name."
Computer: "State your names please."
Zack: "Uh, I'm bat guano."
Ivy: "Ewe, gross!"
Computer: "Welcome Bat Guano and U Gross. Prepare for body scan."

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The detectives tease each other while being scanned.

Zack: "This must be the place where Carmen tries out the crooks who want to become henchmen, Ivy. I mean U Gross."
Ivy: "Just keep your eyes and ears open, Bat Guano."

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The detectives find out why Carmen stole those miniatures.

Ivy: "Look! She's using holographic reproductions of world landmarks to weed out the henchmen who won't cut it on the real jobs."
Zack: "Ivy, she must have stolen those scale model miniatures from Brussels to scan into her holosystem. Totally ingenious."

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Carmen makes an announcement to her henchmen.

Carmen: "Attention all VILE henchmen. Cease your training drills and rendezvous for a top priority job."

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Zack and Ivy run into Carmen's own version of the Chief, right out of a negative reality.

nega-Chief: "Ten-hut, you VILE wannabes."
Ivy: "What in the world is that?"
Zack: "Must be Carmen's idea of a joke. The Chief was her boss. Now she's programmed her own version of him to oversee training."
nega-Chief: "U Gross and Bat Guano, so you think you are good enough to become VILE henchmen, eh? Well, as long as you stand there I don't think you are good enough to make my lunch. Hmm... I guess you were good enough. Okay, let's move out. Remember if you botch a job here, you're off the team."

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The nega-Chief quizzes the new recruits.

Ivy: "We've got to try to make it through, Zack. We're right at Carmen's front door."
nega-Chief: "So let's get started. You're first mission, see if you've got what it takes to help Carmen steal the Leaning Tower of Pisa. But you can't steal it if you don't know where it is, lint-breath!"
Zack: "Uh, the Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Pisa, Italy Ch... I mean sir."
nega-Chief: "Correctamundo, Bat Guano. Now, It's crime time!"

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The nega-Chief continues to quiz them as they climb the tower.

nega-Chief: "You can't do the crime if you don't have a mind. So let's burn some brain cells, if you've got any."

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Zack and Ivy have stolen the fake Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Zack: "All right!"
Ivy: "Yes! I can't believe we're celebrating! We just stole the Leaning Tower of Pisa."

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Carmen finds out the detectives are in the training facility.

Computer: "Alert! Alert! Security breach in level two!"
Carmen: "Impossible! There's no one at the two. Well, well. Let's find out how smart you really are. I have a test you'll never pass."

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Carmen has a little chat with the mice in her maze.

Ivy: "Carmen!"
Zack: "Is it real or part of the program?"
Carmen: "Oh, I'm real, detectives. Congratulations on your success at negotiating my obstacle course thus far. It's nice to have some worthy adversaries. Get to me and I'm yours, detectives. Otherwise, who knows how long you'll be trapped in my mind maze."

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Zack and Ivy chase Carmen but she gets into her time machine.

Zack: "We beat your system! You're history, Carmen!"
Carmen: "You don't know how right you are, Zack."

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The detectives have found the missing chrono-skimmer and get a new one to chase Carmen with.

Ivy: "Chief, remember when the Acme chrono-skimmer turned up missing the last time we went time skipping?"
Chief: "How can I forget? I got stuck with that bloody English accent."
Zack: "Well, Carmen stole it and used it to make her own time traveler."
Chief: "Ahh, and I assume she didn't leave a forwarding address?"
Ivy: "What are we going to do?"
Chief: "Well gumshoes, looks like you'll be needing this then, eh?"
Ivy: "A new chrono-skimmer? Oh Chief, you're the best."

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until next crime
last tweaked: 1-14-00