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 the quotes the trial of carmen sandiego
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THE TRIAL OF CARMEN SANDIEGO
Written by: Bill Matheny & Laren Bright


Carmen locates a Aztec temple with the help of henchman Archie Ology.

Carmen: "Good work, Archie Ology. The temple's right where you said it would be."
Archie Ology: "Careful, Carmen. Heat sensor scans indicate someone is hot on you trail."
Carmen: "Perfect."

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After setting off the booby traps in the temple, Zack has his doubts.

Zack: "Uh, maybe we let her get away just this once."

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Zack and Ivy watch as Carmen is kidnapped.

Carmen: "Help! Zack! Ivy!"

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The Player tries to contact Carmen.

Player: "Come on, Carmen. What's the trick? Carmen? Carmen?"

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Zack jumps into the drivers seat. A really bad idea.

Ivy: "Uh, excuse me."
Zack: "Ivy, I've got my drivers test tomorrow, remember? I need all the practice I can get."
Ivy: "We are definitely headed for trouble."
Zack: "Yeah, but it's going to be a fun trip."

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Zack drives the car into a puddle.

Zack: "Well, I'm driving so it looks like you'll have to push, Ivy."
Ivy: "Really? Is that here, Zack, or on the planet guess again?"

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Ivy reads the subpoena.

Ivy: "The fine print says "you are hereby subpoenaed to appear at ...the trial of Carmen Sandiego?"

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The C-5 drops the detectives in a fountain, with the C-5 car.

Ivy: "Before you take your road test, Zackary, you better work on your parallel parking."

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Ivy is worried after the Chief describes Traitor.

Ivy: "Kind of a wacked-out, one-stop judge and jury, huh Chief?"

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Judge R. B. Traitor begins the trial of Carmen Sandiego.

Judge R. B. Traitor: "Order in my court. Carmen Sandiego you hereby stand accused of a lifetime of thievery. Stealing objects of every shape and size, fleeing from justice, and on the night of September 4th I charge you with breaking into Salisbury Cathedral in England to steal the Magna Carta."

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Carmen's lawyer Lee Galese attempts to save her and doesn't see the trap door.

Lee Galese: "Your honor, my client pleads that due to the obfuscation of the prima facie evidence and the absence of any sort of habeus corpus the ipso post facto argument clearly demonstrates that charges herewith are specious and should be dropped posthaste under the statute of..."
Judge R. B. Traitor: "Your dismissed, Lee Galese."
Lee Galese: "Argh!"
Ivy: "He's criminally insane!"

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Carmen is quickly sentenced.

Judge R. B. Traitor: "Carmen Sandiego you are...guilty! Guilty! Guilty as charged! Tell me where you've hidden the Magna Carta before I sentence you to life...in the dungeon cell of your choice!"

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Ivy is very upset over how Carmen has been treated.

Ivy: "Who do you think you are, Traitor? Appointing yourself Carmen's judge and jury? You can't get away with this!"
Zack: "Uh, Ivy. This isn't high school mock trial. I think you should sit down."

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Ivy takes her legal rights very seriously.

Ivy: "Carmen's a thief but where I come from she gets to stand trial in a real courtroom where you're innocent before proven guilty by a jury of your peers."

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Carmen begins her defense.

Carmen: "I never stole the Magna Carta, your honor. That's why I asked you to bring Zack and Ivy here. They have evidence that will prove my innocence."
Zack and Ivy: "What!?"

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The Chief can't get a lock on the detectives.

Zack: "Huh, never mind Chief. Ivy here's going to prove Carmen's not a thief."

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Carmen is temporarily released to search for evidence. She gets to wear nifty handcuffs.

Carmen: "I don't usually wear exploding jewelry, Traitor. It's a bit theatrical for my tastes."

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Ivy falls off the Statue of Liberty.

Zack: "Gotcha!"
Ivy: "But who's got you?"
Carmen: "Just looking out for my defense team, detectives."

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Carmen comes up with a plan to find the Magna Carta.

Carmen: "Detectives, maybe we're going about this the wrong way. I didn't steal the Magna Carta but if we could prove who did...it would put me in the clear."

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At Salisbury Cathedral, the detectives talk to the guard.

Zack: "We're Acme detectives and we're investigating the missing Magna Carta."
Guard: "Hey, Isn't that Carmen Sandiego?"
Ivy: "We're transporting her in protective custody."

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Carmen reveals all after she finds out where the Magna Carta was hid.

Zack: "Archie Ology working with Traitor?"
Carmen: "Of course not. They're both working for me. They would never have the imagination to think of tricking you into helping with the biggest legal theft of the century."

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Zack gets it.

Zack: "The Aztec temple and the kidnapping were all faked to lure us so we'd help you find the Magna Carta!"
Carmen: "And you did an excellent job, Zack. If I ever need legal advice...I'll call."

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Carmen escapes yet again.

Carmen: "I'd call this 'attempted entrapment', detectives. You'll have to do better."

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Carmen gets away and Zack is upset.

Zack: "Oh, man, I hate this! You know, we come so close to doing our job. We figure it out, put it all together..."
Ivy: "I know, I know, little bro. And she still gets away."
Zack: "No. We did all that and she never paid us. Do you know the kinds of legal fees she would have run up by now if we'd really been her lawyers? I mean the billable hours, the research, the strategy sessions...we're in the wrong line of work, Ivy. I'm thinking of going to law school."

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Carmen and the Player.

Player: "I'll catch you yet, Carmen. They you'll really have your day in court."
Carmen: "Perhaps, Player, but the jury's still out on that one."

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until next crime
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last tweaked: 1-14-00