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CHAPTER AND VERSE
Written by: David Ehrman and Sean Roche


The Player and Carmen.

Player: "My detectives froze you out this time, Carmen."
Carmen: "Mark my words, Player, the last chapter has yet to be written on this little story."

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What's Carmen up to?

Zack: "What's with the writers? First Hans Christian Anderson and now Charles Dickens."
Ivy: "Maybe Carmen's joined the steal-a-literary-classic-of-the-month club."

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Poetry...

Carmen: "Hope you don't mind if I share your cab, detectives. As a famous American poet, Robert Frost, once wrote, 'I've miles to go before I sleep.'"
Zack: "Yeah, well as this poet says, 'Roses are red, violets are blue, Carmen is gone, so what do we do?'"

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At the Dickens' home.

Zack: "Why an ink well when she could have ripped off these antique books? 'David Copperfield' by Charles Dickens. 'A Tale of Two Cities' by Charles Dickens. 'A Christmas Carol' by... whoa! Charles Dickens' favorite writer must have been Charles Dickens."

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A rough C-5 to Hannibal on 'Mark Twain Day'.

Ivy: "Mark Twain?!"
Zack: "You see him too? Ah, good, because I thought it was the fall."

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Zack tries to avoid fixing the fence.

Zack: "Ah, didn't Mark Twain once say, 'Never put off till tomorrow what you could do the day after tomorrow'?"
Mark Twain actor: "He said it, but he wasn't talking about you."

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They finally know what Carmen is up to.

Zack: "Twain's desk, Dickens' ink well... Carmen's writing her memoirs!"
Ivy: "And she stole the ruin Kipling described putting it on a remote mountain top for..."
Carmen: "The perfect writers hideaway."

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Carmen has the perfect ending for her book...

Zack: "That's why the mainframe's been acting up. You were playing around with CrimeNet files!"
Carmen: "Not playing, Zack. I've just stolen the entire Acme Detective Agency."
Zack: "What?"
Ivy: "That's impossible!"
Carmen: "It's my most brilliant crime, ever, and the perfect final chapter for my memoirs. See you on the bestseller list."

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They get everything back but Carmen is gone.

Carmen: "Nice catch, Zack. Too bad you'll never be able to do that with me."
Zack: "She gets away every time. What's the use of chasing her?"
Ivy: "Perk up, little bro. We got everything back, didn't we?"
Zack: "But we always get everything back, sis. When are we going to get her? That's an ending I want someone to write for us."
Ivy: "We'll bring it up at the next staff meeting, once we get the Chief back online."
Zack: "Yeah, a big splashy ending with Carmen going to jail and you and me on the cover of magazines all over the country. We'll go on Donahue. We'll get our own book deal. We'll be famous."

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Carmen and the Player.

Player: "Acme's back in business, Carmen, and your thieving days are numbered."
Carmen: "Ha. One of the rules to good writing applies here, Player. Only write about what you know, and anything unnecessary, cut out."

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until next crime
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last tweaked: 1-14-00